Man and women are different. Wow what a surprise... I am actually surprised we still talk about the differencies so much. I am also a bit irritated by the fact we are still thinking about differences in a gender-opposed way to be honest!
Let me set the plot. I will try and say it quickly: I am a feminist. Ooooh aaaaah! When I say that in public I still get a lot of sh*t and usually more from women than from men... Being feminist has become so out of fashion apparently. I guess it is because this word has such a negative image in collective minds. To the risk of being very unpolitically correct I'll break it down for you. Femisnist = angry bitch probably too ugly to get men or even interact with them, probably lesbian no by choice and argumentative by nature who has to blame someone (men) for not finding happiness in this world. My definition of a feminist is by far a different one. Before I get there let me give you an insight of who I am. A woman (although I believe that a man could be a feminist too nowadays) who is in a relationship with a man she loves and admires for many reasons, whois working and enjoying it, whose professional role is quite a succesful one involving managing both genders, whose employer has been giving her many opportunities and so far has been offering development and promotions without ever mentioning her gender. I am a woman in my early thirties who still gets compliments of the appropriate kind on a daily bases ( I do take the inappropriate ones into account but store them for the next years to come, when they will dry out inevitably!). I am happy in life and have lots of friends woth that name and still meet enough people who can make their way to be my friends.
Still I am a feminist.
My main point is that even if I can be really gratefull of the evolution of women in the past 20 years I still consider that there is a long way for us to be in a position that entitles us to as much as much as men's with equal strive. And in the ethos of the society we live in I still think that we have to fight quite a lot compared to what men have to fight to get to similar results. Women are not the only ones in this situation and there is still a lot to fight for for many minorities.
I am happy proud and enjoy being a woman. Not close to undergo any sex change (or just for a few hours and enjoy the manly ability to pee outdoors between to cars by just unzipping my fly - but that is just about it). I also consider the fact that it must be quite hard for men to assess their position in society now that women have been changing so much. I also realise that, for the men who are my age and have to take on board a new gender reality while they have been raised by women who were mainly mums at home and strictly being wifes and mums, it is stretch to have to deal with me at work and find the woman who will be their partner. I have also been raised by this mum and find it quite hard to find a partner who won't have the expectations my dad had when he chose my mum (men use to chose).
The reality is that I am doing more or less what any boy with similar skills who was at school with me is doing now.
The reality is that I might be getting open doors easier because I am good looking and it helps. But at the same time once in the job I still have to work a bit harder to be recognised in the same way as my fellow male coworker.
When single I have to mind about my answer to potential partners to "would I want to have children?". If I say yes I might be seen immediately as a needy and potentially sperm user/bunny boiler because I am in my early thirties. If I answer no to the same question (as a thirty-something) I will sound like a cold bitch. I am in a loose-loose situation in those cases where any man of whatever age would always answer yes (in my experience) and never bring any judgement of any sort upon him. In the workplace I am a dangerous hire: because of my age I am obviously striving to get pregnant before I am out of date and will put maternity before anything else. A man in the same age range never gets the same treatment that he has or considers having children.
I also really cringe at all these common generalisations over gender. A woman who is simply unhappy about something and rants about it is considered "hormonal", "premenstrual" or "having her periods" or just "emotional" whilst a man in the same situation is just having a rant. Women are said to be bitchy when men doing the same are not even categorised. Women supposedly love gossips but men are just sharing information... Women "nag nag nag" in heir relationship while men argue.
Women are deemed emotional, like arts and love shoes. Men with similar behaviours would be called sensible, educated and elegant.
I do care about my appearance and I probably have more items in my wardrobe than I should. Strangely enough my boyfriend's wardrobe is bigger and he does spend at least as much time to get ready than I do (15 min tops). I do like reading magazines and enjoy gossips. Strangely my latest team composed of men only and ex-fx traders were always talking about trends, cussing anyone out of fashion and controlling the gossips of the entire department. I am sometimes moody especially in the morning but nothing beats my boyfriend's streaks of anger int he morning. I don't drive and therefore it is easy for me to get aggravated when I hear comments about women being bad drivers, I agree. Still according to insurance companies men are far more involved in accidents than women. Strangely (again) common belief is that women are worse drivers than men...
Now let's have a look at scientifically proved facts. Men are loosing their home or car keys at least once a day and spend a lot of time looking for these. And I mean lots of time. Women spend far less time to fing keys. If you have ever been in a relationship you know it is true. as a woman you happen to know where your man's keys are even if you weren't there when he dropped them wherever he did drop them. scientists casme up with an answer to explain this. It is apparently about vision. a woman comes into a room and scans the whole place so that she has precise idea of what is where, the colour of th armair and the exact position of the car keys. Still according to scientists men have a different attitude when they get into a room. What matters to thm is only what is satisfying a specific purpose for them and the rest is ignored. Hence the keys situation. They can spend 2 hours looking for them and the woman who just gets or earlier got in the room is able to specifically pinpoint the location of the keys. According to scientists men and women have different ways to embrace space...
Whoever has been in a road trip with a person of the other gender can comment about it. It seems that women have difficulties to read a map and give the right info to the male driver. all the same it seems that a male driver seems uncapable of ever admitting he got lost and even consider asking a local for directions where women would do it immediately.
This is what scientists say. My personal experience concurrs. So yes men and women are different. As a feminist I have no problem agreeing with this. I also think that being different is great. Being different is the best thing. I just would like everyone to consider the following facts:
- Men are supposed to take care of all home building kits from Ikea (or elwhere). I am 33 and own my own drill because all my boyfriends and father have either destroyed walls and/or been unable to build the thing.
- Women are hormonal supposedly: yes they are, just as much as men. Men have hormones too, just as much. The difference with women is that they are pissy when there is no reason such as prriods for them to be...
- Women are emotional. Human beings are emotional. Even animals are. It is a quite good thing to be emotional because if you are not you are a robot... Men are emotional. A lot. It is just not called like that. But it should. Ask England supporters how they feel about England not making it to UEFA...
- Women do get pregnant whilst men don't. No arguing with that though I do know many mothers who would have happily passed the buck of being pregnant and giving birth to the father. Being pregnant is not an ilness and most women can carry a normal activity until term. The women who have to take time of work are in a situation that no man or other woman would envy and should get enpathy. Once the baby is born it is nowadays a similar task for the mother and the father to be in charge. Of course the breastfeeding is specifically a mother responsibility and that is why maternity leaves are made for in the UK. Milk is important for the baby, sure, but having 2 parents is equally important. Finland imposes a leave for both parents after a birth. How strange?! Funnilly enough Finland is the country in Europe that has the lowest criminal rate... Food for thoughts I guess.
- The other day I watched a movie called "Reign over me". I thought it was going to be a little American, a lot anti-terrorist and very much Twin Towers oriented. Turns out it wasn't. The mere point was about widowhood and coping as well as friendship and the need for human beings to have free time and think. One anecdote in this movie was about this widow who was not paying attention whe his wife about to disappear was telling him about how she was thinking about redecorating the kitchen and he dismissed the conversation just before finding out whe was in the first plane that hit the twin towers and died. He had since then been mourning in his own way and part of the process was his repetitive attempt to get the kitchen his late wife would have liked and this man's late understanding of something that mattered for his wife but he could not acknoeledge by the time she was alive. Later in the movie you see the parents of the late wife looking at the latest redocorating attempt by the widower and the woman saying that she is sure her daughter and grand-daughters would have like this kitchen after what her husband says - just like the widower daid in his last conversation with his wife - "this is just a kitchen". Women work on the "nest" by making all details important. The kitchen and its style is important and not linked to any cost or other consideration. The man might not see immediately a reason with it but when they are with the right partner they will see int he result a confirmation that they chose right. I do know a few menwho are much more involved than their wife in these matters and the wife will equally appreciate their attention to detail. Me and my partner cook and enjoy being in the kitchen and I know that if we ever have to choose a kitchen from scratch we will do it together. None of us is allocated to the redecorating business.
- I have a drill and a toolbox. My boyfriend has a toolbox but it is small. I am the one hammering nails in the walls and using the drills. He could do it though but not as well and it would probably take ages for him to get things done.I am a woman he is a man. The size of my toolbox doesn't make hima lesser man. I appreciates my skills and I appreciate him being open minded about me doing that kind of work.
- Whe we go out, usually together me and my boyfriend, he is happy for me to be meeting and talking with men and so I am when he does so with momen. I am not expecting him to mount any other woman for the sake of survival of human beings and believe that he is respectful o me in any situation even when I aam not aroung. Equally he is not punching anyone I am talking with and is genuinely happy that I am getting interest from other men and takes it as a compliment.
I feel very happy and grateful that I have a partner that is so outstanding. I am also glad that he is not such an exceptionand a lot of men around me are behaving in the same way as far as I know.
I am grateful for the improvements that have happened for momen int he past 20 years. I am more than grateful I was born in the mifd seventies instead of the mid fifties or sixties even.
Still there is a lot to fight for I think. I see lots of younger girls than me who are, I think, believing they are better off and do act in a way that makes me think they are worse off than my mother amnd grand-mother's generations.
I also believe that we are not helping each other as women nowadays. Where men stand for eachother just by the fact they are men we as women tend to bitch a lot and be the major obstacle for us to take over the world.
World take over is not my goal. Really. I just wish we, women, could be better at helping each other to just be happy.
It is a long way to go. I know. I think it is possible and that we are not better but worth it.
Are you up to be another woman helping another woman? My step daughter will be I guarantee yoy. My son or daughter (whatever it will be) will do so. So now it is really about you. Stop bitching about the other woman in the club/bar/restaurant/office. Give her a compliment and make her your ally. Hire women when you can and make sure yor pqrtner is being a parent as much as you are. This is for sure a way to improve the world and hence your own situation.
I am hopeful.
