Miss World singleton - me just had her boyfriend moving in.
Yes. It is done and there is no way moving back.
Miss world singleton is feeling quite happy about it though. Hurray. This is the hurray of my parents and family - so yes at last I am doing the thing. This is the hurray of my friends - after all she is "normal".
I am miss world singleton. God knows I actually liked this title... I am sure though that neither my relatives or friends would think so. Hell yes in a way I liked being different. But different might have been something more difficult to carry for my parents and friends than it has been for me, I am not sure...
Let's be very forward here and say some things I would never say in front of a concrete audience: I am a good looking girl and moreso I happen to be a clever one, not just at Trivial Pursuit (I am good at that too, f*cking good!) but also at life and banking it without too much effort so far. Oh and I do like boys, men. Well I guess the only issue here is that I am 33. With my credentials I should have been married. Well it didn't turn this way. To be completely honest I wouldn't have seen anything wrong with meeting a wonderful man when I was a teenager and marrying him after or during university and having started a family years ago. I think that this is a very good plan. Avery good plan if you are sure, if he is sure and if you have enough information for you to believe that this good plan is sustainable in all its components for you to commit to it when you are at the beginning of your life. Well done for those who did it then and are still finding it a good plan.
By the time I had finished university I didn't feel I had ever met someone who could be part of this good plan. I had met lots of people and they all participated to my growing into the person I am. I am very glad I met them all, for the good ones and the bad ones. And more than anything I was very lucky to meet those who are now my friends.
Even for my friends I realise that at the time I might have been some kind of imposition. Let's not even talk about the odd numbers at restaurant tables but it recently was mentionned to me how my girlfriends had to fight the assumptions of me being around their couples and be seen as a potential threat for their boyfriends. Honestly it never occured to me and it seems it didn't to my friends until they were faced with the duty of defending me. I never lusted after any of my friends boyfriends and actually felt I was naturally linked to them as no ambiguity would ever show in these circumstances and would therefore feel quite at ease with these guys to the contrary of "civilians" (understand boys who wouldn't be linked to my gfs). Well it seems and so have I been told now that my gfs were facing lots of scrutinity by others about my ease and presence.As much as I never realised it then, Ido understand what they must have been facing then and feel bad about it. Of course I would never want any of my loved oned=s to face any struggle because of me...
But hey so I was, single, happy about it and surrounded by singletons or couples who made me feel loved and wanted. I was sometimes feeling a little bit of electricity and it wouldn't usually last long but it made me happy and all in all conforted me in my singleton ways. I still believed in love but had decided I would only commit to love with a big L. it hadn't happened yet. I wasn't finished hoping but what I had was good enough still. no way I would commit to good enough.
And then I moved countries and got into the big smoke. I didn't move to find love. I don't really know why I did it when I did it. Since then there are quite a few reasons I can find though but I will tell you in a different post.
So here I am in a different country and unsure about what I would find, a bit scared and a bit excited. It is easy though because I know I can come back just as easy as I moved over.
My life was all settled and I find myself to start it all again without any assurance that I can do it agian there in London. And it works! In less than a week I am lucky enough to meet amazing people. In less than a week I get enough hints that I can make it. And guess what I get to do it. with the bonus that all the people I left behind are still there for me. And they come to see me in my new life. Honestly how could it get better? I wasn't asking for more.
Well more was on the menu for me... I meet this man. and not only do I meet him but he meets me and both of us are thrilled.
We are both far from perfect but equally unperfect.
There is so much I could tell you about it but I won't. Not now. 2 Years after meeting we are living together. We are in love. Life is wonderful. It is tough but wonderful. tell you more next time.